


Auditions

by captainchakyeon



Series: My Metamorphosis [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Trans Character, Transgender Hakyeon, mentions of transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 08:10:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17545922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainchakyeon/pseuds/captainchakyeon
Summary: It's of another problem completely, one that his fans have no clue of. And that's because Hakyeon has kept it very, very well hidden.





	Auditions

Hakyeon knows very well how the fans react whenever a glimpse of his stomach or chest is revealed during a choreo. He's heard the instant screams on stage, the gifs made and shared, the thirsty tweets made online that starlights think he doesn't see. He sees them, and he's well aware of them. they're a confidence boost, of course. The overflow of compliments and praise starlights give him always reassure Hakyeon that his fans support him and his work.

At least the fans do for now.

It also makes Hakyeon nervous at times - his torso being revealed, and starlights making such a fuss over it and wishing to see more. Not that he doesn't a see a problem with them finding him sexy - many of the choreos are made to make them think just that. But it's derived from another problem completely, one that starlights have no clue of. And that's because Hakyeon has kept it very, very well hidden.

At the start of his career, he auditioned for every stable company he could think of. Hakyeon googled all the artists he could name, trying to find a company that would suit him. And after that, he auditioned for them; trying to show them he is indeed capable of being onstage, that he's worthy of being signed to their company. To Hakyeon’s surprise, many of them found a potential in his talent. He could feel a relief off his chest after every company stated so, but then another sort of dread would set in, making his chest tight and his body tense. 

_“Now how do I tell them I'm transgender? That I wasn't born a male?”_ Hakyeon would always think after the company made the official offer to sign him to their trainee program. _“Would they think I'm a freak like everyone else does?”_

Because Hakyeon was very self aware, always has been and likely always will be - being transgender in a conservative country will make you extremely self aware every time you step out into the public. The anxiety and worry is always on Hakyeon's mind, since he knows not many understand him and his situation.

The companies know this too, they know the public will at best be divided on how to feel about an openly transgender idol - and so most of them took back their offer on signing him. That wasn't a chance they could take, not when their money and stocks are at stake.

Hakyeon was deeply disappointed at this, and wanted to bat himself over the head for telling them; he could have just stayed stealth, at least until he debuted! But logically, he knew that also wouldn't work. It could spread beyond the company staff once he stated his gender issues, the company could never give them a comeback again, or simply force him to leave the group. They could have found out before he wanted to tell them, and blacklist him from joining any another company.

He felt defeated. Hakyeon's passion and hope for ever becoming an idol was dwindling greatly at every lost opportunity. Maybe the companies had a point, how could he be an idol, someone in the public at all times, be transgender? It seemed out of the question, nearly impossible. Even if he did become an idol, chances are he may never become successful or have a fulfilling career. It seemed hopeless for him.

Until one company did sign him onto their trainee program.

Hakyeon found it unbelievable. He blinked at the company board, a moment of silence passing before he asked them to repeat themselves. The trainee director chuckled lightly, before reassuring he wasn’t joking. Hakyeon felt a huge relief off his shoulders at his brilliant luck, he laughed with a grin on his face before bowing deeply to the board and thanking them endlessly.

Soon after they signed the contract making Hakyeon an official trainee under Jellyfish entertainment - Hakyeon making sure to read the contract thoroughly to avoid any mishaps - they brought together a meeting to discuss what to do on Hakyeon’s gender. Before the meeting, they were vague on what was to be discussed and so Hakyeon found himself extremely nervous. , _“This is where things are gonna go wrong,”_ Hakyeon thought pessimistically to himself.

Hakyeon entered the business room after practice with shaky hands, and seating himself after politely greeting them with a bow. Come to find out, the meeting wasn’t as terrible as he thought it’d be. It was the CEO of the company, along with the few staff members that knew of Hakyeon’s case already, plus the company’s on-call doctor. 

They started off the meeting by making all the staff members sign a confidentiality agreement, that restricted the staff from blabbing about the case to anyone else but the people within that room. After the agreement was signed, the CEO then stated that they were to keep Hakyeon’s gender case a well kept secret within the company, and promised that if he were to debut, he would be in a boy group, or promote as a male soloist.

“No knowledge of your past gender will be released as far as we can handle it. The public will see you as a male, with hopefully little question.” The CEO sternly said, eyeing the staff members as a forewarning. “I know you may want to show pride in your gender, but as you may know that is a very big risk - especially for someone who doesn’t have a stable career yet.”

“Yes, I understand sir.” Hakyeon said, fully aware of the risks that could bring. After all, he’s lucky enough in this situation, and he isn’t quite sure if he wants to be fully out of the closet to the public anyway. His safety could be compromised.

The rest of the meeting was spent with the doctor - Dr. Park asking him questions about his transition so far. Hakyeon openly states he’s been on testosterone for several years now, and had a keyhole top surgery - which he chose for better stealth after his doctor at the time said he was a good candidate for it. Dr. Park nods, writing down the information. He schedules a time for Hakyeon to come into his office and further discuss transition needs to be dealt with before he debuts.

Soon after Dr. Park schedules the appointment, the meeting is adjourned and Hakyeon is free to go back to the dorms to rest for the day. He lets out a sigh of relief, Hakyeon hasn’t felt this accepted and protected in years; just a while back he almost gave up hope of a company even considering signing him, now he has a company willing to work around his unique case.

As he enters the dorm rooms, he sees some of the other current male trainees preparing dinner in the nearby kitchen, and talking amongst themselves in the living room area.

“Hyung, c’mere Nakhun is teaching us a new card game!” Daewon says to Hakyeon, gesturing for the boy to join them in the circle around the table.

Hakyeon smiles, and goes to sit down next to him. Nakhun deals him in, and goes over the rules once again to ensure everyone is informed before playing.

For the first time in a long time, Hakyeon has a company to work for that's accepting of his case, and friends with little question for his more feminine traits still left. For this, he could only be forever grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr; captainchakyeon  
> twitter; vixxiah
> 
> kudos/comments are always lovely uwu


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